There is a general belief that Americans divorce more than any other country. However, it should be noted that we get married more than others. When this is accounted for, the rate of Americans divorcing is not so different from the rest of modern world. Like us, however, many countries incorporate laws that make divorce easier than annulling a housing contract.
Historically, "No Fault Divorce" began in the 1960's in California. "No Fault Divorce" quickly spread to the entire country. It is interesting to note that the majority of couples who divorced at this time had parents that divorced after WW II. WW II was another time when the rate of divorce was high (as was the rate of marriage). Before the 1960's, like during WWII, divorce was heavily regulated by the state. In order to get a divorce, a plausible reason for the disengagement had to be presented. Typically, a couple could only divorce if there was substance abuse, infidelity/adultery, or abandonment. An important aspect to note is that children were issued to the parent who did not have the serious problem. This lead to more custody-winning fathers than there are now. Divorce peaked around the 1980's. This is because there was still a majority of people getting married, rather than cohabiting. Many people think that the decrease in the divorce rate is a sign of success. However, I do not think so. Instead, people are opting to live together, which creates a positive feedback system. This is for a number of variables. For example, those that cohabit are 3 times more likely to break up a family. Also, live-in boyfriends are 16 times likelier to abuse their girlfriend and 31 times more likely to sexually abuse his partner's children. Typically, it takes at least 3 generations for a family to end the cycle of divorce.
What I found most interesting from the data is that it is not the incompatibility that determines whether a couple will become divorced. Every couple has their fair share of inconsistencies. Similarly, shared common interests does not predict marital success. What determines whether a couple will stay together is how they deal with the incompatibility. In accordance with this subject, the percentage of divorced couples who wish they would have saved their marriage 2 years after the divorce is 70%. This being said, it is interesting to note that the main reason that couples cite for their divorce is irreconcilable differences. What I take away from this is to be picky at choosing someone similar to you during the courting process, then avoid noticing their faults during marriage. Marriage is not a selfish engagement. It is the complete opposite.
In my opinion, the major reason to avoid divorce is for children, if a couple has them. The data warns that children of divorce are disadvantaged in a number of ways. Some that I found striking are how they are less likely to graduate high school, more likely to be depressed, and more likely to later become divorced as well. The negative consequences of divorce can affect children up to 26 years old. The incidence I mentioned before proves that divorce is multigenerational. I wrote about how the adult children of parents that divorced after WW II separated from their spouse as well. Divorce does not solely affect the couple involved. In fact, I think that the children more affected because they must deal with this reality during their developmental years.
I have not had much experience with divorce in my personal life. However, I feel like being aware of these outcomes will better prepare me to avoid it and be compassionate to those going through this process. The last research I would like to share is from divorce expert, Sager. Sager's advice to a blending family is this:
1. It takes a minimum 2 years to achieve normalcy. The family needs to experience large events to establish bonds. This includes celebrations like birthdays and holidays.
2. Your family will never look or feel like an intact/biological family. It is better to realize this, than to fight it.
3. The biological parent should do all of the heavy parenting. A child will respond better to their biological parent. The step parent can gain trust in this way.
4. The step parent should be the equivalent of a really fantastic aunt or uncle. A child would most likely respond negatively to the person who tried to replace their biological parent. The step parent would better serve as a trusted role model.
I hope that I can avoid divorce in my personal life and be an aid to those who are experiencing it's painful affects.